And if you are laughing hysterically and uncontrollably....you hit it right on the button.
My boys are not the cleanest, not the most gentile, and certainly not the most appropriate at times. But, they are good kids, with morals, values, and the kind of love that can only be shared through a deep brotherly bond.
Including fists, noodle swords, spitting, pinching, biting, scratching, clawing, griping, complaining, moaning, groaning, and leaving me in my shambles of missing hair, chewed off fingernails and a migraine from Centurion.
I'm pretty sure that when children were created, that someone in the factory assembly line thought it was a great idea to skip the instruction manual. I'm equally positive that when they set forth this proposal to the CEO, they were given a corner office, a hefty raise, and a promotion to the VP of thinking.
Damn, where is that guy? I would love to shoot him.
I did not know that toy trucks hurt like hell at 3 AM, and raised toilet seats really are that much of a burden in the middle of the night. Christmas lights look really cool in the microwave and cats can't swim. I also did not know that my gymnastics classes would come in handy for balancing acts....meaning holding AND feeding the baby, keeping the phone in between the shoulder and ear, cooking dinner, preventing the ball from knocking dinner off the stove, stopping the trash can from falling over with my left foot, shutting the cabinet with my right foot, and all the while attempting to make a fantastic AND nutritious meal for 7.
Then comes the rest of the evening, as the previous only took up 15 minutes of my time. Homework, baths, clean up, laundry, make lunches, set the coffee pot, argue, spit, sputter, argue, fight, whine, get out of my bed, shut ups, mom!!!!!!!
And my instant response within one breath is:
"Get out of his bed everyone shut up its bedtime why haven't you had your bath yet I don't care brush your teeth anyway you'll finish you're homework if it takes till Christmas go to bed before I take away your birthday I didn't tell you to talk I said bedtime I heard that don't back talk me now go to bed and get some sleep why didn't you finish your homework get up and do it I know I said go to bed now get up and finish your homework like I said!"
Yep. No pauses. No breaths in between.
Yeah, you parents out there know this one. You've been there. You've done that. And at some point once the kitchen is completely demolished and the carpet has so much dust and dirt in it, I sist down at my computer and debate on how to write my next chapter. Then comes the "Mommy I had a bad dream."
<Sigh> Ah tis the way of our children today. My oldest has broken so many cell phones that I'm surprised he doesn't have a DUI for them through major carriers (DUI - Destroys Under Influence). My second has finally graduated school and now can't tell time (sleeps during the day). The third seems to think the only real world is in what he reads, or watches. The fourth...music.....lots and lots and lots and lots of music... And the baby? A combination of all four - aka DEADLY.
So what does that mean for me and my wife? Tylenol...and lots of it. But not necessarily all at once. The days when they are just at each other's throats.....in other words, I have a cocktail waiting for me, and stock and bonds in that said company.
Privacy? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.... I have a better chance of walking down the highway and not being hit by a car.
So it is in my little world. Laughter, love, and the distinct smell of sweaty socks that are hidden oh so carefully behind the couch.
The Mystery Diva of Nevada